I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
