Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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