It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize