and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize