Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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