I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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