Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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