Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
