I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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