party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dear god my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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