Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
