I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
FUCK WHALES
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
