Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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