i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
