Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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