i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
