I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize