I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
