Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this boner is exhausting
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
