so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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