If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
