Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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