I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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