Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think your dad took our porno
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
