i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
