Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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