I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
