Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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