Sponge bath it is.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize