Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry my hands just texted you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
