i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
