i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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