i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
