he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
