I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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