My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
