i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
