It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
