Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
