Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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