I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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