Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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