Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
