no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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