Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
