we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
