I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
