At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
