I'm really into asian looking animals
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
