I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
