A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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