I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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