phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
