I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
