when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
