My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
