More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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