why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
