sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
