you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
