Im at strip club and am horny
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jerry, you need to find god
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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