They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
