a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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