It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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