Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
