i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
