Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
