you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
