I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
