If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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