So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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