So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
