First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
