I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
