The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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