my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my liver is dry heaving
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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