Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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