ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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