You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
