All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize