awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
