i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
