my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
