I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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