i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
